September, so far, has been difficult.
Having accidentally met my ex’s daughter at Leeds Station on the 1st, everything has been up in the air. It’s not the job of this blog to go into details about personal stuff, plus I don’t like to write about people without their knowledge but I do have to say this. She’s been staying with John and it’s been a nightmare.
Now she’s found a place to live and should be moving out very soon. I’ve been finding it hard to cope, so much so, I started seeing a counsellor again. I’m so glad I did because she’s amazing. I’ve only seen her twice but I’m already making giant leaps of progress. She basically told me that I can’t change the way I react to things. I am an emotional person (I wouldn’t want to change that anyway as I believe it makes me a better writer) and my moods will always be subject to change. The important thing is that I now know when I’m in a down loop, and I can then do whatever it takes to switch over to the up loop. Basically though I will always have ups and downs. They make me who I am. I can’t tell you how much better I feel. I’ve always wanted to be perfect, to try to get everyone to like me. I finally realise I don’t have to do that. I’m OK the way I am, faults and all.
Other news on the personal front is that I’ve finally ended my ‘fling’ with a younger man. Again, this isn’t the place to go into details. All I will say is that having made the decision, I feel lighter which has to be a good sign.
I’m still not doing any writing but, for a change, I’m not beating myself up about it. I will get back into the groove next weekend at Weetwood when I attend a romantic writing retreat. I’m very much looking forward to that. One of the ways I battle my blues is to keep meeting new people, trying new things, making new friends. Next week I start singing with the choral society and later today, I’m to a brief performance of part of the music from Wagner’s The Flying Dutchman which is the piece we will be working on. I don’t know the music at all so it will be a challenge. With any luck it will be fun too.
Here’s hoping the rest of the month is amazing! For all of us.